When You're Gone
by otherrealmwriter
Summary: Tsunade thinks about what she had with Jiraiya after his death in the battle with Pein. Hints of JirTsu


**I don't own Naruto okay? Just a random fic I may expand upon if I get enough feedback and reviews. I really got into wondering what there could have been JirTsu-wise and how Tsunade feels after Jiraiya is killed. Well enough with my boring A/N, on with the fic!**

Tsunade smiled to herself trying to hide the fear she had inside. _Relax; you know Jiraiya's coming back. Even though you didn't say it, you put all your faith, gambled it all on him dying. You are never a winner in gambling. _It was a bright and sunny day, a bird flew by and a croak of a toad was heard in the distance. "Shizune did you hear that?" Tsunade asked.

"Hear what Lady Tsunade?" Shizune said.

"That toad croak, I could have sworn I heard it." Tsunade said.

"I am sorry my lady but I didn't hear anything." Shizune said.

"Oink" Tonton moaned in Shizune's arms.

"I could have sworn I did." Tsunade sighed. She turned back to her paperwork and looked down at it. It was something she knew she had to do but just couldn't. Jiraiya was on her mind too much. _God, I miss you Jiraiya. _Tsunade thought as she sipped some Sake.

"You okay Lady Tsunade?" Shizune asked.

"I'm fine Shizune." Tsunade yelled.

"I came here to tell you some sobering news. We have just gotten wind that in the fight with the Akatuski, Jiraiya was killed. I am sorry." Shizune said.

"Jiraiya….." Tsunade said starting to tear up.

"Lady Tsunade…do you need anything?" Shizune asked. "Do you need a cup of tea?"

"Oink…" Tonton said worried about Tsunade.

"Go away Shizune." Tsunade said as she downed the rest of the Sake in the bottle and falling asleep. There was so much she wanted to tell him. How she really felt. How grateful she was to have known him. How deeply she regretted not being closer to him. "I really wish I could have let Jiraiya know how I felt."

She knew they had their troubles as young kids, and they never really got along all that well but she had to thank him for so much. She never said it to him, but she admired how he took care of the war orphans he found in the Rain Village. It was something that made her fall more in love with him, even though she wouldn't say it to anyone. She acted like Dan was the one who she would be with and could never date another man again. However, Jiraiya was always there. Tsunade always thought of him as a pest, but he was a pest that Tsunade missed dearly. He turned down the Hokageship believing she was better for Konoha than him. Tsunade searched though the Hokage's desk for a picture of herself, Orochimaru and Jiraiya as young genin.

She picked up the photo and looked at it. "Saratobi-sensei, you created some splendid students, especially in Jiraiya."

She was the last surviving Sannin, if what she was told about Orochimaru was true. She never thought he would be killed by Sasuke, yet somehow she believed it. '_I can believe that Oro is dead, but Jiraiya, I thought he'd have many more years of peeping on girls half his age. Then again, he is the only one of us that could have aged gracefully. _She smiled and sighed. Why couldn't she say she loved him? It was something she had in her heart, but she never could say it to him. She held the grudge after all these years that he was peeping on her like she was just some other girl.

"Why didn't I tell him?" Tsunade whispered. _He was there for you when your brother and your beloved Dan died. He comforted you, was the one you held onto when you cried and you turned him down. He loved you._ Tsunade broke down on the desk and cried. She knew she had the one man who loved her through it all, even though he was a pervert, and she never told him what she thought of him, how she loved him, how she wished he was there. She loved seeing him again when they met up after the Third Hokage died. If Orochimaru hadn't been offering to bring back her beloved brother and boyfriend, she could have shown it better.

She was grateful to him for all he did for her, but she could not think of a way to repay him for this sacrifice. She looked at the old picture as a tear dropped onto the picture of Jiraiya tied to the post after their bell training.

"We were so young." She cried. "Young and yet we passed up so much."

Tsunade then thought of Naruto and Sakura. They acted the same way she did with Jiraiya. It made her laugh and yet it made her cry. They had opportunities that she and Jiraiya never did. She looked over the ledge over the village at where she heard Naruto and Sakura talking.

"You perv!" Sakura yelled punching Naruto with a move Tsunade had taught her.

"Ow! Sakura! I'm sorry!" Naruto yelled.

Tsunade smiled at them. It reminded her of Jiraiya so much. "I hope you and Sakura get together fine someday."

Tsunade smiled at the tree leaves knowing that as her generation handed the power to them that Konoha would be in great shape.

"Jiraiya, I love you. I know you are with us even in spirit." Tsunade said as she went back to her desk.

**Well how was that? I hope you liked it. Remember to read (well you just did) and review. I hope you liked this and you review. **

**Otherrealmwriter**

**Aka**

**Realm**

_PS~ if that Mat character anonymously flames my stories again, I will make it so he can't. Just because I frequent the Fireplace Alliance forum, does not give you the right to flame me. STOP STALKING ME TO FLAME MY STORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can turn you in to the authorities for that!_


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